12.08.2015
lifestyle

5 Places Not to Get High

Grocery stores, funerals, exorcisms. You know, the usual.

Depending on your family or surroundings, Thanksgiving could be the perfect place to be stoned or an absolute nightmare. We'll leave that decision up to you.  But there are some events where that question shouldn't even come into play; certain social circumstances where one should never partake in a toke prior to nor during. Beware these traps:

1. Funerals

Image via Keithtal/VSCO

Seems like a no-brainer, right? But sometimes funerals can be stressful and depressing and we all know marijuana can really take that edge off. However, it's too risky. So much weird, heavy, mind-scrambling shit will be happening at any given funeral that you're gonna need your wits about you. Most of all, it's just a wretched headspace to be in. Existential panic is sure to be induced as you stare at the dead body thinking, "Yes, life ends. And soon mine will, too." 

Outside of that, any number of weird things could plague your altered state. What if someone gives the eulogy and keeps mispronouncing a word? Imagine you're stoned and you're trying to stifle a laugh while mourners weep beside you. Not fun!

2. Grocery stores

Image via Uknowat/VSCO

Unless you're purposefully going to the store to buy groceries stoned, avoid mixing weed with the supermarket. You're gonna hurt your wallet, and you're gonna buy a whole bunch of crap that once the weed wears off will leave you hungry for something real. One cannot subsist on Gushers and Pirate's Booty alone. If you do find yourself in this situation, remember: sure, one person can eat two whole rotisserie chickens...but should they? No.

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3. Midnight Mass

You gonna test the weed waters in the house of God, bro? Beware that it could go down just like this (especially if you're Jewish).

4. Exorcisms

Image via Jonathan Grado/Flickr

Look, if there's one thing the Devil loves other than stealing souls and general sin, it's pot. That's why they call it the Devil's grass, man! Okay, so usually that makes the Devil like, pretty rad. But! If you're trying to help exorcize a demon or the Devil himself from some innocent victim, you gotta put the weed love aside. Once that demon and/or Devil comes tearing out of its host body, he's gonna be wildly angry and looking for a new soul to devour ASAP. And if you're standing there all red-eyed and slack-faced reeking of kush, guess whose body is getting taken over first? You, buddy. The simple tip for drugs at an exorcism is this: say no to psychedelics, say yesyesyesyesyesyes to uppers.

5. Sierra Blanca, Texas

Image via Timlewisnm/Flickr

Although this checkpoint town has reportedly decided to ease up on its marijuana seizures, it's a stop on most cross-continental traveler's journeys and yields up to 30 busts a day. It's a curse for stoners, especially those with any modicum of fame. Celebrities get nicked there all the time (mostly touring musicians, of course) including: Fiona Apple, Armie Hammer, Willie Nelson, Nelly, and naturally, Snoop Dogg.

Speaking of places not to get caught with weed...

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