05.24.2016

6 Kanye West Love and Sex Spells to Try at Home

They will work no matter where you live.

Kanye West has been hiding life-changing spells in his lyrics for nearly a decade. His songs hold the answers to a better life, especially the songs that are full of magical chants. When accompanied with the right spell, Kanye's magical tunes can alter the fuck out of the most basic life.

We’ve teamed up with Stevie Nicks, the ultimate stoner witch, and a team of paranormal experts to devise the best spells designed to accompany Kanye West lyrics. 

We asked Ye on Twitter, what he thinks about the true magic of spells, and he Tweeted back:

So you get it now. These spells will bring you straight to the light.


Skinniest Bitch Spell

Cast this spell and you’ll be bikini-ready in less that two days

What you’ll need:

•White candle
•Matches
•Celery
•Spring lettuce mix
•Cayenne pepper
Ginger

PROCESS

1. Light the candle.

2. Rub the cayenne pepper, salt, celery and lettuce in your hands until they are soggy and messy

3. Rub on the fattest part of your naked body

4. Close your eyes, and imagine your body skinny

5. Chant 100 times (or, until the candle burns out which allows better chance of weight loss)

CHANT

1 and 2 and 3 and 4 and get them sit ups right and
Tuck your tummy tight and do your crunches like this
Give head, stop breathe, get up, check your weave
Don't drop the blunt and disrespect the weed
Pick up your son and don't disrespect your seed
It's a party tonight and ooh she's so excited
Tell me who's invited: you, your friends and my dick
What's scary to me is Henny makes girls look like Halle Berry to me
So excuse me miss, I forgot your name
Thank you, God bless you, good night I came...



Dead Mother Spell

You can talk to your dead friends. It’s easy. This spell is especially good for dead mother chats.

What you’ll need:

•Dead mother
•Quiet place like an old abandoned farmhouse or hobbit-like forest
•Patience
•Lock of Mom’s hair (or jewelry will work)
•M&Ms

PROCESS

1. Meditate and chant

2. Reach your hands out or above your head

3. Tell the ghosts you are there

4. Cry if you can and beg your mommy to meet you there

5. Start talking about all your childhood regrets

6. Line up the M&Ms in the shape of a star

7. Hang with mom and eat candies together

CHANT

I think the storm ran out of rain, the clouds are movin'
I know you're happy, cause I can see it
So tell the voice inside ya head to believe it
I talked to God about you, he said he sent you an angel
And look at all that he gave you
You asked for one and you got two
You know I never left you
Cause every road that leads to heaven's right inside you


Fuck That Ex Spell

Kanye gives you permission to get over the ones that got away

What you’ll need:

•Egg
•Rose petals
•Parsley
•Sage
•Rosemary
•Thyme
•Baseball bat
•Pictures of ex

PROCESS

1. Mix all ingredients in a bowl, add drops of blood if you wish

2. Drink it

3. Spin around 4 times with your forehead on a baseball bat

4. Rip up ex photo into tiny pieces; eat them too

5. Chant until your throat is so dry that you have to drink your own tears

CHANT

How could you be so cold as the winter wind when it breeze yo
Just remember that you talking to me though
You need to watch the way you talking to me yo
I mean after all the things that we been through
I mean after all the things we got into
Ayo, I know there are some things that you ain't told me
Ayo, I did some things but that's the old me
And now you wanna get me back and you gonna show me
So you walk around like you don't know me
You got a new friend, well I got homies
But in the end it's still so lonely


That Good Kind of Love Spell

Kanye found TRUE love, and so can you. And if you're into ass play, you can get that too.

What you’ll need:

•Yarn or twine
•Dolphin blood
•300 candles

PROCESS

1. Dip a ball of yarn into a bucket of dolphin blood

2. Wrap yourself in it, trying to cover all of your skin

3. Chant by the light of the candles

CHANT

You know how long I've been on you?
Since Prince was on Appolonia
Since OJ had Isotoners
Don't act like I never told you
Baby, you're making it (harder, better, faster, stronger)
Don't act like I never told you
Don't act like I never told you
Don't act like I never told you
Don't act like I never told you
Don't act like I never told you
Don't act like I never told you
Don't act like I never told you


Avoid Fuccbois Forever Spell

Ward off total fucking idiot fuccbois with this one, simple spell. 

What you’ll need:

•Tampons
•Red candle wax
•Tequila

PROCESS

1. Dip tampons into candle wax

2. Tie them to strands of your hair

3. Drink all the tequila you can afford

4. Chant like you mean it!

CHANT

Let's have a toast for the douchebags,
Let's have a toast for the assholes,
Let's have a toast for the scumbags,
Every one of them that I know
Let's have a toast to the jerkoffs
That'll never take work off
Baby, I got a plan
Run away fast as you can


Fuck Yes Fucking Spell

Do this for the best sex everrrr.

What you'll need:

•Motorcycle
•Lizards

PROCESS

1. Chant and fuck at the same time, on a motorcycle with desert lizards:

CHANT

Uh-huh, honey
Uh-huh, honey
Uh-huh, honey
Uh-huh, honey
Uh-huh, honey

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