10.12.2015
lifestyle

California Legalizes Electric Skateboards

Lame transportation now lamer.

California reversed a ban on electric skateboards on Sunday, The Wall Street Journal reports.

The ban has been in effect since 1977 when motorized skateboards were primarily gas-powered and largely irritating to most sensible citizens. Newer models are environmentally friendlier, quieter, and offensive. Though there are several styles of electric skateboard, all are shameful vehicles for dorks.

Here is a picture of a “ZBoard” with an idyllic beach mocking it in the background.

The ban is officially lifted on January 1, 2016. Technically, this means electric skateboards are a modicum cooler through the end of the year, for riding one, no matter how preposterous you may look while doing so, is breaking the law. And breaking the law makes even the lamest of acts slightly edgier.

California Assemblywoman Kristin Olsen, clearly an ally for nerds of the state, introduced the bill. She’s pictured below completely embarrassing herself at a Kohl’s shoot.

The two-wheeled self-balancing versions, which idiots everywhere have taken to calling "hover boards", are currently illegal in England. A surprising move, considering England has been in the running for Dweebiest Country since it began. 

Congrats, lazy nerds! 2016 is your year. May you all blissfully glide away.

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