Dad Eats Weed Brownies, Crawls on Floor, Calls Cat 'Bitch'

Hell is being 53 and unwillingly high AF on edibles in Nebraska.

A Nebraska dad got lit as all heck this week in Omaha, after mistakenly munching down on weed brownies that his adult children had left in the backseat of his car. 

The Omaha World Herald reports on the midwestern reefer madness:

"The man’s wife told police that as she and her husband were watching TV, he noted that he was getting 'bad anxiety.' She tried to call their children to ask them what was in the brownies but couldn’t reach them. . . While police were at the house, one of the couple’s children arrived and told officers the brownies belonged to his siblings. . . Paramedics called to the scene who checked the man found his vital signs to be normal. But they noted that he was displaying odd behavior—crawling around on the floor, randomly using profanities and calling the family cat a 'bitch.' 

The 53-year-old father-gone-wild's mania was reportedly the result of eating four big, fat brownies. 

“Here’s the irony,” the stoned-dad told the World Herald in a follow-up interview after coming down from the land of brownies and bright colors. “I had just put on a tie-dyed T-shirt. . . I opened the door, just wasted, in my tie-dyed Sturgis T-shirt. And the cops were, like, ‘Uh huh, yeah.’ ”

To recap: The man's wife was super chill, and called the cops hoping they would help her ailing husband. The cops were pretty chill, in that nobody was arrested, despite weed being anything but legal in Nebraska. The cat is a cat, and doesn't know when it's being referred to as "Whiskers," or if its being called a bitch by a baby-boomer in tie-dye; so no harm done there. But the man's children––again, allegedly full-grown adults, though plagued by a collective ineptitude––kind of acted like total choads. Not only did they ice their mom's phone calls after drugging their own father, one sibling snitched on another to the cops.  

Mom and Dad will always forgive––this mother reportedly wouldn't even give the kids' names to the press. But the Internet never forgets.