Dear Emoji Officials: You Can’t Hold Me Down

Emojis don't just fall out of some programmer's ass, but the truth is not far from that.

Ladies and gents, a super-secret-sounding but not-so-secret group met to discuss the next, great set of emojis. The Unicode Consortium is reviewing 67 new emojis and will ultimately decide which ones will be coming to a phone near you. One might consider this group the most powerful group in the world.

If the Unicode Consortium sounds wacky, like it’s part of Scientology, then you might be surprised that the group was founded in the '80s to do computer stuff like decide standards for representation of text in software. Now the world is ruled by emojis, and this Unicode Consortium group will decide which ones will describe when you shit or puke or when you go to dinner with your Grandmother who is dressed like Mrs. Claus.

When the New York Times asked Unicode Consortium leader Mark Davis, 63, what the eff this group does, he simply said: 

“I can tell you, using language, I need to go get a haircut, but only if I can get there by 3 p.m., and otherwise I have to pick up the kids,” he said. “You try to express that in emoji and you get a series of symbols that people could interpret in a thousand different ways.”

So basically, over the next few months (yes, seriously selecting emjois is a long and big process), this secret emoji group will decide and finalize which emojis are best suited for society. These new ideas include an avocado, bacon, dancing man, a selfie, croissant, and other really good things like water polo and handball, and more! And if these seem useless to you, then you are not human and not living on earth.

Of course, if you are anti-establishment and shout “fuck the Unicode Consortium,” and you want to go your own way, you’ll want to download Flirtmoji's bootleg-but-really-nice emojis of vaginas and butts to talk about sex in tiny little pictures. Flirtmoji says do what you want, and download their 20 free emojis that will keep your flirting game on point

Oh, and if you are still looking for a Halloween costume, and you love emojis as much as every single person alive, then you might consider being an emoji.