01.20.2016
culture

Lynchian Weed Strains: Cannabis Hybrids With a Surrealist Twist

What are the best strains in David Lynch's world?

David Lynch has left a very specific imprint upon film and television throughout his bizarre, beautiful career. The legendary director has also dipped his toes into the industries of fine art, music, and his other great passion: coffee.

Cannabis dispensaries will often market "new" strains based on pop culture and news cycles (these are often mixed strains or house breeds with nothing but a buzz name slapped on them, like the "Tiger Blood" strain that cropped up around Charlie Sheen's "winning" days).

But what if Lynch got in on the action?

So, step into our red-curtained dispensary of dreams, where the strains are not what they seem...

Double Blonde (sativa)

What's reality? What's an illusion? Sometimes it's hard to tell. Take a chance on this unknown strain, and maybe it'll blossom into a big, shining star. Much like the city of Los Angeles, and its nasty, angry heart called Hollywood, it seems magical and mesmerizing at first. But if you dig a little bit deeper, the rich soil quickly turns to muddled dirt, and you're not sure what's what, exactly, like, who's who? And such. Maybe stay indoors with this one. Your mind will definitely go full tilt. So take it easy, dim the lights, lock the door. Silencio.

Audrey Horne's Secret (indica)

Like most of the Lynchian strains, this one'll put a slink in your step and a purr in your throat. Bred in Twin Peaks, Washington, this indica dominant strain is just heavy enough to relax your inhibitions while keeping your sharp wit and sass kickin' around like dancing heels. It has a sweet, perfume-y scent but its flavor insinuates a dark danger 'round every corner. This one pairs well with a fresh slice of pie and a hot cup of coffee from the Double R Diner.

Georgia Asphalt (hybrid)

This strain is wild at heart and weird on top. A couple of drags on a stick of this bad boy, and you'll be sex-crazed and hazy, like the smoky red light in a burlesque bar. Equal parts sativa and indica, your fantasies will run rampant while your body slips into something a little more comfortable. It has a scent of tight leather and gasoline; and yes, it'll get you hotter than...well, you know the line. Just go easy on it, sweetheart, tomorrow we've got a lot of driving to do.

Pabst Blue Velvet (evil sativa)

Put down whichever embarrassing strain you're smoking right now. That shit's basically Heineken, man. PABST. BLUE. VELVET. But please be careful. Many users report turning into a violent, sadomasochistic, nitrous-oxide huffing villain. And trust me, nobody wants to invite the Frank Booth to the party. Steer clear of severed ears and keep an eye out for robins.

Erase Your Head (super sativa)

A jacked-up mix of Amnesia and Headband, this one is gonna tinker around your brain for a bit. You might forget who you are, or imagine someone else is controlling your actions and destiny entirely. Fall into the void and enjoy the ride. Enjoy a black and white cookie, maybe. We highly caution against participating in childcare while under the influence of this strain. 

Tagged: