New Reefer Slang: It's What All the Youngs Are Saying These Days

Completely real youth reporting.

Language is a fluid and malleable concept, ever changing as our culture evolves. Here’s what the kids are saying this month, probably:

GOOPhead: A marijuana user obsessed with an artisanal and organic smoking lifestyle to a point of annoyance; a yuppy stoner who exhales down his or her nose at the average user.

Eric: Should we invite Donovan?

Michelle: Ugh, no, I tried to share a joint with him last week and he declined because “Zig-Zags aren’t locally sourced.”

Eric: Oh my god, what a GOOPhead.

Trumped: When you get uncontrollably high and can’t stop making idiotic faces like some dildo real estate mogul running for President.

Tim: Hey man, sorry about your grandfather’s funeral yesterday—obviously I didn’t think your mom’s eulogy was funny I just, man, I couldn’t control my face I was so damn Trumped.

Pat: You are a bad friend.

Smurf’s Up: Kind of like “surf’s up” but you say this when you see a Smurf in the wild.

Cliff: Haha oh shit, Smurf’s up!

Erin: What…what are you talking about?

Cliff: Look over there, underneath that—wait, he’s gone…Where’d he go? Oh man I really hope Gargamel didn’t snatch him up!

Erin: I think you need help, Cliff.

Going Clear: When you eat way too many edibles and accidentally create a sci-fi pyramid scheme religion that becomes wildly successful.

Ron: The other night I was going clear and…um…wait, I have no idea what I’m talking about…

Hitch weed: The opposite of “ditch weed” (meaning low-quality marijuana), Hitch weed is perfect, just like the major motion picture Hitch starring Will Smith and Kevin James.

Amy: Wanna smoke some of this Hitch weed?

Jen: Yes, because just like the major motion picture Hitch starring Will Smith and Kevin James, this weed is perfect.

O’Doul’s Bag: A small, clear plastic bag filled with grass clipping or spices resembling marijuana to appear “down.” Used by narcs and poseurs.

Undercover Cop: Hey kids! Check out all this weed I’ve got! I’m totally down!

Cool Kid: Nice O’Doul’s bag, ya narc.

Spunch: Top of the line; tasty; excellent.

Pat: Have you ever seen the major motion picture Hitch starring Will Smith and Kevin James?

Tim: Oh, hell yeah. So spunch.