08.08.2016
culture

Pizza ATMs Will Lead the Next Stoner Food Rebellion

No humans were involved in this gratifying exchange.

Everything essential is now dispensable. That is to say, if some necessary thing exists for consumers to purchase, no matter what that necessary thing is, it will be dispensed to us humans from a vending machine.  Enter: the "Pizza ATM." The first one is on the campus of Xavier University in Cincinnati, Ohio. 

Basically, students deposit $9 into a slot, on the machine, ATM-style. Three minutes later, a piping-hot-pie is birthed out of another slot, before burning the shit out of the hungry pupil's taste buds.

Pizza ATM at Xavier University (Photo Credit)

Here in America, we've got the classic snacks and candy-dispensers and soda machines. But only in this past decade, has the vending machine industry evolved from the truck-stop condom dispenser to the cupcake ATM, the burrito dispenser, and the sushi vending machine. Hell, if you're at the airport, you might as well re-up on some headphones from a kiosk resembling a miniature Best Buy. In Denver, Colorado, there is a beer-dispenser powered by brand engagement. In Seattle, Washington, a weed vending machine is quite likely powered by magic. 

But should pizza join the ranks of dispensable foods that "took our jerbs?" Is the Italian classic ready-to-be made and fed to society via the pay-and-push-a-few buttons process? Stoner logic dictates that, hell yes, a pizza ATM is the opposite of a bad idea. While a pizza dispenser, in a way, almost feels as bad as when you go to an Applebee's and your waiter is also a tablet

Will the (robot) rebellion not be televised, or anything like Terminator at all, but instead just delivered unto the world via vending machines and interactive screens? 

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