Popular Weed Strains to Name Your Child After

Naming babies after Instagram filters is a trend. Why not strains?

On Tuesday, BabyCenter released data showing rising trends in what parents are naming their offspring in 2015. Among YouTube stars, astrological terms, and characters from YA novels, one of the more interesting threads is the uptick in babies named after Instagram filters:

One newer filter, Ludwig, jumped 42 percent on our boys' name list. Other popular filter names for boys include Amaro (up 26 percent), Reyes (up 10 percent), Hudson (up 4 percent), and Kelvin (up 3 percent).
For baby girls, the name Juno leaped 30 percent in popularity. (The Juno filter, introduced in 2015, makes outdoor photos especially gorgeous.) Valencia, which gives pictures a soft, warm glow, rose 26 percent on our girls' name list. Willow gained 13 percent.

That's all fine and dandy, but with marijuana becoming more and more culturally acceptable, and nearly legal in many states, will we see a jump in marijuana-strain-naming in 2016? We can only imagine. Here are my top picks for the strain babies:

1. Chemdawg

Everyone loves a built-in nickname. "Ayyy what up, chemDAWWWWWG." Wow. Efficient. Also maybe they'll excel at chemistry and do well in school and get a great job! Anything can happen!

2. Bubba Kush

This already sounds kind of like Bubba Sparxxx; so undoubtedly your child will become one of the premiere Georgian rappers of our generation and with any luck with find that Ms. New Booty and bear your grandchildren! Score!

3. Tahoe OG

Maybe you want a beer-chugging, neon-sunglasses-wearing, ASU-attending party bro? Good luck!

4. Headband

This is a good one for if you want your kid to grow up to be one of those people who gets really into the ~bohemian lifestyle~ but only one weekend a year and said weekend is a music and arts festival called Coachella. 

5. Skywalker

With the new Star Wars film right around the corner, this timely name will seem futuristic yet relevant. It will win the hearts of old nerds everywhere and stoke the geeky fires of a new generation. If your child is embarrassed by being named after a weed strain, the kid can simply let new acquaintances assume it's in reference to the hallowed sci-fi franchise. Wait...that's embarrassing too...

6. Sour Diesel

I don't know anyone who would want to breed a sex-addicted PUA but hey, different strokes for different folks!

7. White Widow

Bam. You've got yourself a super villain.

8. Durban Poison

Bam. You've got yourself a professional wrestler.

9. Alaskan Thunder Fuck

Bam. You've got yourself...well, I don't know, man, maybe don't use this one. Yeah this probably isn't a good idea.