02.26.2016
culture

Weed Oscar Winners 2016: The Full List

Recognizing excellence in stoner films from whenever.

This coming Sunday the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences will honor its good white people for all the nice movies they made together over the past year. That's cool for them! They're probably going to have a great time. But while they're ironing their tuxedos and steaming their heels or whatever else rich people do days before a public circle jerk, let's sit back and enjoy some excellence in stoner films over the years.

First off, let's get to one of the best weed movies of all time: The Wackness. This charming taleā€”ok I'm kidding, The Wackness fucking sucks. Yet somehow it ends up on all lists of good stoner movies because I don't know, there's a lot of weed stuff in there and it's like, what, early 90s Brooklyn or something? OK fine but it's as boring as golf. The Wackness gets zero fake awards from me. Fuck that movie. Olivia Thirlby is alright though. Anyway, moving on.

Image via The Wackness/Sony Pictures Classics


Best Picture That Let's You Temporarily Forget That Sean Penn Is A Giant Ass

And the Oscar goes to...Fast Times At Ridgemont High. Ah, what a delightful film. Its got laughs, its got thrills, its got drugs, and more importantly it has Phoebe Cates and Jennifer Jason Leigh. A movie so enjoyable that as you watch iconic stoner Spicoli battle Mr. Hand you can easily forget that the actor playing him is a loud, violent blowhard who takes himself very, very seriously. 

Image via Fast Times At Ridgemont High/Universal Pictures


Best Picture That Is Actually A Pretty Great Movie But Quoted Too Often By Not Very Great People

And the Oscar goes to...Dazed and Confused. You know what I'm talking about. (Close runner-up? The Big Lebowski.)

Image via Dazed and Confused/Gramercy Pictures


Best Truly Heartfelt And Honest Depiction Of Post-Collegiate Life While Also Being A Movie About The 80s Without Hitting You Over The Damn Head About It The Entire Time

And the Oscar goes to...Adventureland. A bunch of aimless post-grads waste their summer away at the local amusement park sparking j's and trying to fight off their suburban malaise. Excellently crafted in the hands of Greg Mottola, it also boasts a stellar soundtrack that's not all the usual suspects. 

Image via Adventureland/Miramax 


Best Stoner Film That Achieves New Heights In Artistic Quality And Represents A Peak In Cinematic Expression Straight Up Trouncing Citizen Kane Or Last Tango In Paris Or Whatever The Heck They're Shoving Down Film Students' Throats These Days

And the Oscar goes to...Dude, Where's My Car? And fuck you if you disagree. Dude, Where's My Car? is one of the best films ever made that not only explores the silly entanglements of a doofy stoner friendship but tackles the perplexities of space and time travel, of lust and love, of pride, and yes, of prejudice. Those who can not enjoy this stupid movie likely have all kinds of sticks jammed up in their assholes, way up there, wayyyyyyy way up there. The kind of people who iron their socks and only do missionary. 

Image via Dude, Where's My Car?/20th Century Fox


Best Underrated Kick-Ass Weed Action Flick 

And the Oscar goes to...American Ultra. For some reason either not enough people saw this or just assumed it was another dumb attempt at the ol' "socially inept stoner gets thrown into high stakes crime bullshit" gag, but this one goes off like gangbusters and is a thoroughly enjoyable ride from start to finish. Plus Connie Britton! Come on, man! Connie!

Image via American Ultra/Lionsgate Films


Best All Around Classic Ridiculous and Vulgar Dorm Room AF Stoner Movie

And the Oscar goes to...Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle. Damn, an icon in the genre! This movie still rips. Kind of a drag to watch the impetus of Neil Patrick Harris' second wind, which from this film kind of solely stood upon the whole "lol he's saying gross masc hetero shit but it's funny cause he's gay!" thing. But outside of that you've got a hilarious misadventure any late night blazer can relate to. 

Image via Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle/New Line Cinema


Best Picture Despite Its Clunky Production And Awkward Pacing

And the Oscar goes to...Smiley Face. There are a handful of wrinkles in this movie, which could do with any number of things like low-budget acting, an imperfect script, rough editing...but in spite of all that, it's still one of the best weed movies in the game. Wholly unique and original in its point of view, it also showcases one of America's truest gems: Anna Farris. The fact that Anna Farris didn't receive 32 goddamn Oscars for this role, regardless of how Oscars work, is a crime on par with treason, and shall be punished as such. By me. Right now. Gotta go.

Image via Smiley Face/First Look International


And finally,

Best Picture Out of All The Seth Rogen-Judd Apatow yadda yadda yadda you know the usual stoner-frat-bro scene, cause man, there's so many of them, and most of them are pretty good but um, what was I saying oh shit, yeah,

And the Oscar goes to...Pineapple Express. You could even cut this film down to just the opening scene with Bill Hader and it'd still rank.

Image via Pineapple Express/Columbia Pictures

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