Does Weed Actually Get You Laid? Let's Check the Science

If Red Bull (and vodka) gives you wings, will weed make you a badass?

People have been mixing sex and weed and booze for ages, like since middle school for some of us. But where alcohol is usually seen as an intoxicating fuel that sets off  the fiery act of boning; the role of cannabis in the relationship between lust and drugs and horizontal hugs, can be a bit more complex, according to a recently published study

The research, led by human population and sexual wellness expert Joseph J. Palamar, Ph.D of New York University, had 24 heterosexual American men and women get lit and talk about sex. Evidently, the distinct social settings in which alcohol as opposed to cannabis are consumed are directly indicative of the likelihood of hooking up with another human, and may also forecast how regrettable the experience will be. 

Speaking with Inverse, Palamar reckons that:

“If you’re older than 21, you’re able to drink anywhere you want. But when it comes to marijuana, at least in most of the U.S., it has to be in a hidden area where you can’t get arrested. If you get someone to come home with you to smoke weed, there’s a way to facilitate getting a sexual connection, for better or for worse.”

Because weed is illegal in the United States, even where it’s legal, the opportunity for low-key, private, possibly during the dimly-lit after-hours(?), hookups presents itself, in a clandestine way; whereas in a public-drinking setting, such as a bar, that sneaking off together, would not be a prerequisite to consumption. 

Palamar and his study partners note that the legality of cannabis wasn't a focal point of the team's questioning. The aspect was noted by participants as an influential factor in their tendency to be down to get down post-blaze, as it were. Weed and booze also influence just who the participants would consider sleeping with. The group concluded that alcohol leads to "atypical" or basic/vanilla binge sex partners. Weed's rogue status, encouraging selective, private shared consumption, had participants seeming-to-be more choosy in whose pants they'd be getting into. 

According to the study, the two drugs elicited dissimilar responses in "psychosocial," i.e., how you and your partner vibe/the choice in partners altogether/feelings [or lack of] regret once the deed is done. And also "physical sexual experiences": Was it good? Did all of your parts work? Did things perhaps get a little weird? 

One dab might have your partner ready to rock-and-roll your bones. The only problem? You're laid out on the bedroom floor, licking the carpet.

Is all this jargon just boiling down to say that smoking weed makes you a "bad boy/girl?" And is that bad boy/girl identity more likely to get you laid? Fuck yeah. Well, maybe. 

On a personal level, when you and someone you want to do consensual naked stuff with leave a party, or concert, or work in pursuit of pot, the whole situation can take on a Harold and Kumar–esque vibe, very quickly. At least if one of those people is me, it can. And you too, if you'd be a little honest, have surely noticed that with weed, most everything becomes a mission. So, unless you're Joe Cool a/k/a me (psych!), and you just have all of the weed necessities on deck at all times––your chances of fucking, or even making out in bed, decrease the longer it takes to get to the bud. Nothing is less sexy than spending 20 minutes unclogging a dirty ass bowl, and not having a lighter in sight. Or worse, getting home to the blaze.zone, and a bored roommate decides to join the smoking circle. 

Similarly, if your tolerance levels differ, one dab might have your partner ready to rock-and-roll and jump your bones. The only problem? You're laid out on the bedroom floor, licking the carpet. Or maybe after sharing a joint on your balcony, with the perfect view of the city, under the crystal clear, crescent moonlight, the only D on your mind is Domino's. (But you'd still settle for DiGorno and stale Doritos.) 

Sure, some dank weed can indeed be your wingman. And of course, booze can be your main bitch, when it comes to finding a new bae each night, or even getting lit and acting out all sexy and fresh with the one you love most. 

But love and lust and alcohol and cannabis are all still sensation-based pursuits; variables in an ongoing experiment where the only constant is you.