SMOKE: Girl Scout Cookies

Born in California, Girl Scout Cookies is a euphoric and relaxing hybrid ideal for stress relief.

Do This

Actual Girl Scout cookies.

Okay, so, kind of a no-brainer, right? But who doesn’t love Girl Scout cookies? Stoner or not, they’re a wonderful treat. I prefer whatever the heck those peanut butter ones are called. If you disagree, you’re wrong. But they’re all pretty tight. Those Girl Scouts know what they’re doing. If the cookies aren’t in season, I don’t have any other recommendations. There is no substitute. You’re screwed, buddy.

Build a birdhouse

Too many people find themselves high in the sky and zoned the f out staring at a screen. Using your hands to create something is satisfying as hell though, and we often forget this. If you don’t have a bunch of wood and tools lying around, because you’re an average American who rarely builds anything, get some craft kits from Home Depot or somewhere similar and keep them in a closet for a rainy, stony day.

Build a birdhouse in your soul

Get in there and make it real nice and sturdy for all your little chest sparrows so they can have a pleasant, cozy home within which to sip tea and indulge in racy parlor games ‘round the fire. What’s that? Fred, lothario crane, positions his filthy wing near your bird-wife’s tail feather, much too close for comfort, a sinister leer. And what’s more? She’s loving it. She is rapt with mirth. Smash the birdhouse. Do it, now. Smash that gangly fuck Fred. Smash him until your ruptured heart is vacant of all hurt. Smash it god damn it!