Kind Career Counseling: How to Smoke Weed at Work

A few tips for blazing on the clock.

Work sucks, I know. Very few people have the luxury of working a highly enjoyable job. Which is why it's work, and they give you money. Aside from your dull tasks or stressful meetings, you also have to deal with being in a small space with a bunch of very different people. Which can be awful! But you can always smooth those workplace wrinkles by sneaking a little toke on the clock.

Some people are terrible workers when they're high. It all depends on the job, too. Cops shouldn't be blazing in the squad car, but teens who work at Popeyes are definitely fine to rip on the job. If you're someone who can accomplish your duties while stoned, you've got it made. If not, I'm sorry. Get back to work.

Now, for the lit worker, keep in mind these four simple tips.

Image via ecannabis.com

1. The one-hitter is your best friend

The one-hitter is the perfect smoking device for quick and discreet sessions (if you don't have a vape pen, which is pretty self-explantory). If you stand behind the dumpsters and spark a big joint, there will be a lot more smoke. Which isn't great, assuming you're at your JOB trying to keep this on the low. A one-hitter puts more of the weed smoke in your lungs than out in the atmosphere. They usually look like cigarettes. Anyone spying on you will think you're on a nicotine break (unless they get close enough to take a whiff). Additionally, the small size of the one-hitter's chamber is an automatic rationing. You don't want to over do it and become catatonic at your desk. Just a dollop'll do ya.

2. Walk it out

You should ideally smoke outdoors. Alleys and tops of parking garages are great for this. Hot boxing your car is out of the question unless your boss doesn't mind you reeking to high heaven of a college dorm room. After you do your deed, take a walk around the block. Air yourself out. Even if you don't notice the smell, it's still there. You're just accustomed to it. Simply handling the weed flower can stink you up; so It helps to wash your hands. If you do smoke a joint, ditch the roach somewhere. Nothing tips everyone off more than a stinky little roach sitting in your pocket or cigarette box. 

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3. Keep a kit

You know how in Mad Men Don Draper keeps extra shirts and hangover materials in his desk drawer so he can return to normal after a long night of boozing and infidelity? Do that, but for weed. Eye drops, mints, anything that helps you cover it up. I'm not a cologne guy, and most people can tell when you're spritzing something on you to cover something else, but if that's your thing go for it. I'd prefer Febreeze, but whatever.

4. Stick to sativa

Or at the very least smoke hybrids. Unless you're great at managing an intense, lazy, body high while having to interact with coworkers and employers. Sativas give you more of a cerebral high, which means you can focus and use the weed's stimulation to your advantage. However, keep in mind that smoking too much of any strain will be detrimental to your productivity.

Hope that helps, office drones. I hope that after you get high none of your coworkers corner you with a boring tale of their uneventful weekend. Good luck!