Government Weed Is Virtual Opposite of That Fire, Worse Than Surplus Cheese

As far as researchers are concerned, government-supplied dope is actual garbage.

The United States federal government is damn good at many things. Serving the interests of the American public? Check. (Ha ha.) Governing the red, white, and blue? You bet! (Well. On most days.) Designating varied days of the week throughout the year as official holidays? Hell, yes! The government kills the game at all of these various actions, and a myriad of others that don't spring to mind at the moment. 

But you can bet your bong, your bowl, and your bottom dollar that growing dank-ass weed is indeed not something the federal authorities know a damn thing about.

Image via MAPS

For context, any and all marijuana grown with the intended purpose of being used for medical research in the United States must be sourced from the federal government. This putatively science-worthy weed is cultivated on a 12-acre farm at the University of Mississippi via a contract with the National Institute on Drug Abuse. The government-grown cannabis, which could be described as the virtual opposite of chronic bud––reportedly testing at a mere 13 percent THC, low by current industry standards––has been the only legal devil lettuce to be formally researched since 1968. 

"Inhaling that would be like eating an apple, including the seeds inside it and the branch it grew on.”

How good is that weed? Marijuana researcher Dr. Sue Sisley, of Scottsdale, Arizona, told PBS NewsHour: “It didn’t resemble cannabis. It didn’t smell like cannabis.”

In 2014, Sisley was fired from the University of Arizona before even beginning a project exploring the use of cannabis in treating sufferers of post-traumatic stress disorder. Working with the Multidisciplinary Association for Psychedelic Studies (MAPS), Sisley resumed her research on weed and PTSD in January 2017. 

In order to abide by the law, Sisley and team's studies must utilize the less-than-sub-par pot-hay. 

“In two decades of smoking weed, I've never seen anything that looks like that,” Jake Browne, marijuana critic for the Cannabist told the Washington Post. “People typically smoke the flower of the plant. Here you can clearly see stems and leaves in there as well, parts that should be discarded. Inhaling that would be like eating an apple, including the seeds inside it and the branch it grew on.”

Suffice to say, if you're seeking that fire herb, raiding Uncle Sam's personal stash should be your absolute last resort.