09.07.2016
products

Ruminating While High: Thoughts on Three Big Edible Brands

You've got weed in your teeth.

Only a few years ago, even with the advent of well-stocked dispensaries, finding a reliable edible brand was a difficult task. Most of them seemed to be locally made, with good intention, but lacking precise dose measurement and, often, enjoyable taste. Many stuck to the homegrown traditional forms of edible cannabis like peanut butter cookies and brownies, usually leading to a crumbly, dry product you’d be forced to choke down with multiple glasses of milk.

Then came the gold rush of non-smokable weed—lozenges, drops, gummies, cupcakes, cereals, macaroons, Cheetos, mints, you name it. If you could eat it, they’d found a way to put weed in it, and well. But even with this proliferation of edible weed goods, wild inconsistencies range throughout the products. 

Clearly, if you sample offerings from thousands of edibles companies, they'll yield across-the-board results. Today, I’ll examine three ubiquitous edible brands in the dispensaries, how they stack up against each other, and their pros and cons. In my experience over the past year here in Los Angeles, some of the most represented brands have been KIVA Confections, Cheeba Chews, and EdiPure.

Shouldn’t the impact be the same? I would think so. Then again, I’m just a stoner with absolutely no education in this department.

(Ed. Note: The following “investigation” is based solely on anecdotal evidence. It is absolutely unscientific, backed purely by the writer’s personal experience frequently eating medicated foods, and his, trained, perceptions of such. Trust us, he eats, like, a lot of weed.)

Let’s start with EdiPure.

EdiPure is one of the leading gummy manufacturers in the edibles space. At nearly every dispensary I visit, they’re stocked. EdiPure excels in easy packaging (some products you need a fucking machete to open, I swear), an appealing looking product, and consistent taste that is purely delicious sugary and sour gummy with almost zero lingering marijuana flavor.

These are all truly wonderful features. Unfortunately, EdiPure seems to lack in the most important department: Dose. As mentioned before, this is an unscientific examination, but in my experience not only do EdiPure products vary in strength from type to type (for example, the Cherry Bomb-style gummies are often stronger than the Belt style gummies), but also from other brands. How can a 45mg gummy affect me less than a 45mg chocolate bar? If they’re both measured to contain 45mg of THC, shouldn’t the impact be the same? I would think so. Then again, I’m just a stoner with absolutely no education in this department.

All in all, EdiPure is usually a worthwhile purchase, only drawback being that every now and then you’ll eat a half a bag of 300mg belts and feel absolutely nothing, which is a major drag.

Next up is Cheeba Chew, known for packing a mondo punch in a mini fist. 

The first time I had a Cheeba Chew, it was one of their insane Deca Dose chews. That's right, ten full doses crammed into one little chew about the size of a rectangular Tootsie Roll. The tiniest little sliver of this thing could shoot you to the moon, and fast. Which is what I love about them. Their Green Hornet gummies are also excellent; similarly, a small package with a big payoff. 

Unfortunately, this can also create a drawback—I have, on a few occasions, eaten way too much of a Cheeba Chew product, and there was no turning back. I'm aware that when it comes to edibles slow and steady consumption wins the race, but when you've reached a certain level of experience, you expect to know what you're getting into. If you walked up to a bar, and the bartender offered you two different cocktails, each with two shots of two different whiskey brands in them, would you expect much of a difference in your inebriation? Not at all. 

A much, much, much smaller con to Cheeba Chews is that the flavor palette leaves a bit to be desired and also includes a slight weed taste sometimes. However, it's extremely negligible and rarely factors into my decision to eat one. In general, Cheeba is a reliable product that never fails to get me there.

EdiPure and Cheeba Chew are both excellent for many reasons, and they differ in an opposite way. But if the previous brands were just a slight lack of balance short of greatness, then KIVA Confections is the one that's juuuuuust riiiiiiight, as stoner Goldilocks might say.

There are clearly very intricate pros and cons to all of these products, so with a cannabis-infused candy that does all of it well, I'll be brief: KIVA is the most consistent when it comes to dosing (a 45mg bar always yields the same effect), has the best-tasting chocolate with an almost non-existent weed taste, and is well crafted from product to packaging. If there were a "Best All-Around" award, KIVA Confections would easily snag it. They also make one of my favorite products of all, their Terra Bites, which are little chocolate-covered weed-infused coffee beans. They're delicious, easy to pop in your mouth on the go, and consistently get me weed-buzzed without lethargy. 

At the end of the day, these three brands are all pretty excellent at what they do, which is obviously why they're some of the most-seen brands in the dispensaries. EdiPure has delicious, pretty products that are easy to get at and consume. Cheeba Chews are perfect for when you MUST ensure effectiveness. KIVA keeps it well-rounded and simple. And like I always say, for the most part, weed is weed.

Tune in next time for more anecdotal, non-methodically researched reviews on whatever I'm thinking of that week. 

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