The Perfect Stocking Stuffers for Cannabis Lovers
KINDLAND's friends at L.A. Confidential have nugs to stuff every stocking.
Remember when the holidays were fun? The fevered bliss of ripping into a stack of presents as a child, or last year, before Trump outed half your relatives as bigots?
To survive the season, KINDLAND teamed up with Melrose Ave dispensary, LA Confidential, for a gift guide catering to everyone on your list, from stoned people to sober dogs. Take an opportunity to educate your aunt on the wonders of CBD, a cannabinoid offering medicinal benefits with no psychoactive element, or just get high with your friends. For some of us, it's been a shitty year. Give the gift of relief.
FOR THE FRIEND WHO CARES MORE ABOUT CHILLING WITH THEIR DOG THAN CHILLING WITH YOU:
My neighbor’s dog, Molly, used to scratch her fur off while whining incessantly. No one knew why. After Molly's people spent thousands on vets, pills, and creams, someone recommended VetCBD.
VetCBD is a non-psychoactive cannabis oil dosed to treat pets suffering from nausea, anxiety, pain, or seizures. From separation issues to major health concerns, pets can now benefit from the medicinal properties we so enjoy. In a matter of weeks, Molly stopped scratching. Her fur’s grown back, and she’s sleeping through the night for the first time in years.
Price: $45 small or $75 large
FOR THE LOW KEY STONER WHOSE PROFESSIONAL PERSONA DEMANDS DISCRETION
G PEN ELITE
The G Pen Elite is the best herb vaporizer on the market, a sleek, flavor-centric approach to consuming plant matter with discretion. Holding a gram, it heats to 330 degrees in seconds, producing a vapor that smells but doesn’t linger. Ideal for those who color inside the lines, corporate types, new parents, and people who hate DUIs.
FOR THE BABY BOOMER USING THE HOLIDAYS AS AN EXCUSE TO TURN UP:
LA CONFIDENTIAL’S CLASSIC EDIBLES
Equal levels of THC and nostalgia transport you to a simpler time, when weed was illegal and edibles meant one of three things: Brownies, rice crispy treats, or cookies.
LA Con’s classic edibles are made in-house. They've perfected the deceptively difficult process throughout the years. Pete, owner of LA Con, explains, “Way before all the edible branding and packaging started, we were making trays for the shop. One of the most genius things ever was when this actress came in years ago and bought an entire tray for a holiday party she was going to. They were a huge hit. We’ve been selling out trays around the holidays ever since.”
Perfect for watching a Christmas movie with your family, or exciting a garage full of dads who snuck out of the party to smoke a crutch-less joint.
Price: $6 for one brownie, cookie or rice crispy treat. Party tray prices negotiable.
FOR A FREAKY FRIEND WHO CAN BE THE OFFICE TYPE OR LIKE TO STRIP:
WOW TOPICAL MASSAGE CANDLES
In drunk white girls’ favorite Fat Joe song, “What’s Love (ft. Ashanti),” F. Joe reminds us that freaks don’t always fly a flag. While he wants “a chick with thick hips who licks her lips,” he’s diplomatic in that, “she can be the office type or like to strip.” Depending on where your friend falls along this nuanced spectrum, Wow Candles can be sexy, medicinal or both.
Wow’s Blood Orange won Best Topical at the 2016 Cannabis Cup for a reason. When you light the wick, THC in the coconut oil activates, liquifying to a warm serum, not as hot as wax. THC’s better absorbed in the skin when heated; so pour the oil on your body directly for a euphoric massage, or work into problem areas for pain, skin issues, and menstrual cramps. When I massaged it onto my shoulders after a tense workday, pain melted away to the point I said “wow” out loud without meaning to. The smell is divine; fresh orange blossoms in spring fill the room.
Supplies are limited. The case and a half of Blood Orange Indica left at LA Con will go fast.
Price: On sale for $80 from $100
FOR THE MASTER GROWER, OR YOUR BOY WITH EIGHT LIGHTS IN HIS CLOSET:
DNA GENETIC SEEDS
DNA Genetics, a veteran seed company responsible for some of the world’s favorite strains, including the dispensary’s LA Confidential namesake, has won the High Times “Top 10 Strain of the Year” award five times. LA Con has an array of DNA’s feminized seeds available, with strain inventory changing based on availability. A gift that truly continues to give, the Skywalker OG seed will grow to resemble a Christmas tree and keep you high all year. Perfect for a friend who already knows how to grow weed.
Price: Ask for pricing
FOR THE EXPERT STONER WHO TALKS TERPENE PROFILES, LANDRACE STRAINS, AND TRIPPING AT DEAD SHOWS IN THE '90s:
THE REAL AJ SOUR DIESEL
AJ Sour Diesel is a notorious variety that rocked NYC in the '90s. Setting a high-price/high-quality precedence that helped to shape today’s luxury market, leaving a wake of bad blood and counterfeits, the true cut is extremely rare, available only through a network of insiders who’ve existed long before marijuana was considered an industry. To relay its cultural significance in the weed world, here’s a quote from an interview I did with AJ, the man behind the myth, earlier this year:
“It’s called the Sour Diesel because it soured countless friendships, business relationships, and everything else,” says AJ via phone from a beach somewhere in California. “It was like a magical power. If you had it, people would do whatever you asked them to. But it was also an evil power, a lot of envy and jealousy surrounded it. There was nothing else like it. There still isn’t, but at the time there was nothing even close. People would throw each other off a cliff to get to it. Backstabbing and mind control went along with it. It was like the sword of Excalibur, people just couldn’t handle it.”
Only one pound is available this month; so there’s a limit on how much you can buy. An eighth at $50 is a steal, considering when I first moved to New York, $50 only got you a gram, and pounds went for $10,000. This is probably your only chance to try real Sour Diesel; so give it to someone who likes to share.
Price: $17 gram or $50 1/8th
FOR THE STONED STARLET LOOKING TO KEEP IT CUTE ON SET:
ACME ELIXIR STARTER KIT
No Prop can change the reality that smoking weed in public is a bold move. Pipes and joints draw negative attention. There’s something intrinsically lame about an adult hunched over a pipe in the daytime, especially in front of coworkers.
The Acme Kit (pen, USB charger, and Grapefruit OG cartridge) is a chic alternative for people who medicate throughout the day, gaining traction in the entertainment industry. When LA Con’s Pete, also a producer with Starstream entertainment, observed the film community’s demand for a discrete way to get high on-set, he began filling e-cig cartridges with high grade C02 oil made from weed grown on his farms.
Investments from movie executives and a celebrity following (Johnny Depp, Sarah Silverman, French Montana) have cemented Acme’s presence, indicative of a budding symbiosis between the two industries.
I cherish my Acme set up as one of my favorite possessions. Never without it. The pen is thin and powerful, but the cartridges are special. Delicate flavors come from the strain, not whatever chemicals most flavored cartridges use. The Grapefruit OG tastes like grapefruit because that’s how the weed tastes. A burst of natural citrus in a baby pink cartridge, check! I’ve let hundreds of people try it; all flipped. Also note that the kit comes complete. All you have to do is assemble and enjoy, so it’s a great stocking stuffer.
FOR SOMEONE YOU LOVE WHO IS SUFFERING AND AFRAID OF WEED
MARLEY NATURAL'S RED CBD CARTRIDGE
The official Bob Marley cannabis brand, Marley Natural is centered on honoring nature with ethically-sourced products, awareness, positivity, etc. These wildly popular C02 cartridges have high levels of CBD (65.5 percent) and low THC (15.2 percent), loading them toward the medicinal user who isn’t in it for the psychoactive high.
CBD has the potential to replace pharmaceutical opiates responsible for the heroin epidemic. The cartridge left me bright and content. Notes of cinnamon and pine were holiday appropriate, and spicy like Big Red gum. Give these to as many people as possible.
FOR THE FRIEND CONSTANTLY TAGGING YOU IN DAB MEMES:
LA CONFIDENTIAL’S AFGOO SHATTER
LA Con’s Afgoo Shatter is made using a cutting-edge technology called thermodynamics that few have yet to figure out. Testing at over 80 percent THC, this is some of the best shatter available. It looks pretty and tastes prettier, just like the strain.
Price: $25 half gram or $45 full gram
FOR THE HEADIEST PERSON YOU KNOW:
LA CONFIDENTIAL’S CLEAR
“The Clear” is part of the trend of concentrates like “Rick Simpson Oil, ”Phoenix Tears,” and even CO2, that rose to prominence when butane started to become vilified. A few years ago, Clear was rare, revered for its translucence and potency.
Advancements in technology and legality accelerated the extract scene. A number of cannabis companies now offer Clear, but LA Con’s is made in house and sold there exclusively. In an industry plagued by counterfeits, you’re getting the real thing.
Price: $30 gram
FOR YOU (YOU DESERVE IT):
KIVA TERRA BLUEBERRIES
Familial obligation is likely to dominate the next few weeks of your life. Navigate the mess of tangled lights, relatives armed with fake news, and traffic jams with Kiva's magic little berries.
Each chocolate covered blueberry contains 5mg THC. As they’re super potent, start with one and work your way through the day. They taste amazing; so be careful not to absent-mindedly eat too many at once. I ate three before reading the tin while out running errands, and spent the day confusing everyone I came into contact with.
Price: $18 a tin
FOR ANYONE WHO NEEDS TO CHILL THE FUCK OUT THS SEASON, FROM FRANTIC PARENTS TO GRANDMAS WHO NEVER SLEEP:
ACME CBD CHEWS
Acme’s brand new line of CBD chews are now available at LA Con, after a year spent perfecting them. Chocolate taffy chews taste like whatever organic strain they’re derived from. In a world of saccharine sweets, the herbal taste is refreshing.
With high levels of CBD and no THC, they offer medicinal benefits without getting you high at all. “Feedback has been tremendous,” Pete says. “People are sleeping who have insomnia, and athletes have been using them for alternates to pain meds.”
Everyone could use one.
Price: $15 each (4 doses in one chew)