Breaking Up With Weed Doesn't Have to Be the Worst

Breaking up is hard enough. Here's how to dump dope.

Breaking up with weed doesn’t have to be all bad. In fact, sometimes giving the ganj some space is exactly what you might need to stay reasonably level-headed.

Perhaps hitting the brakes on bud is part of  landing a “real job.” Or maybe you're burnt out, and giving up the green in some kind of “tolerance break,” in which a few weeks or months away from the psychoactive herb allows for a welcome-back sesh that has your lungs feeling young and virginal once more.  Maybe you met online, and things just aren't what you thought they'd be. And plants need some alone-time too! It's okay. 

KINDLAND and weed go way back. But our relationship is like most hookups that make you feel alive: Up and down and all over the place. Sometimes we’re rubber and weed is glue; THC-infused peanut butter and human jelly. And on some days, experiencing "creative differences" doesn't even begin to cover it. 

You're like Bonny and Clyde––except one of you is also green, sometimes a nug, and composed of many unique cannabinoids. 

Everything is temporary. A conscious-uncoupling with cannabis can indeed be achieved.

Make It a Clean Break

Sure, you’ve had some good times with weed. But at the risk of furthering archaic stoner stereotypes, Mary Jane––there, we said it––is like the lover you never want to forget. When it’s around, the herb can take over your entire world. But when you're in that deep, and looking for an out, don't be afraid to just up and split. Weed is the love that doesn’t just get away, when things go sour, it leaves without leaving a note. It has its bags packed, and is out the door before you're even home from work. You remember your moment-in-time together fondly, but you avoid each other at all costs for the foreseeable future.

Find a Replacement (But Only if Its Worth It)

For some enthusiasts, cutting down on the cannabis-intake might mean replacing any daily flower-hour with a different chemical fix––namely booze. But alcohol is not weed, and it never will be. So don't disrespect the herb like that. The sensations of being lit, and what happens when you drink a bunch of liquor, are completely different. Being drunk and behind the wheel, makes you the bullet in a loaded-gun. For the first few weeks, or nights-at-home after a long day of work, it can be tough not to reach for the bong and take a rip. If you can also abstain from any spirits that might lower your inhibitions, and instead do some healthy shit, like jerk off, or eat a salad, you'll be good to go. 

Take One Last Road Trip, Just the Two of You

So what if you're a little bit country, and weed is straight-up rock-and-roll, or like, dubstep, or rap, or whatever. When the two of you are on the open road, blazing down America's highways, byways, and the streets that make up its unique cities, you're like Bonny and Clyde––except one of you is also green, sometimes a nug, and composed of many unique cannabinoids. But hey, a road-trip with Mary Jane––there we go again––shows both of you a world you wouldn't have otherwise seen on your own. Inhale when you hit the bridge, and don't let it out until you're at the edge of the Grand Canyon. This is a good way to break up with another human, too. Let out your frustrations on one another in traffic, and again in some shitty motel in the middle of nowhere, with a leaky roof and a loud bed, in a summer rainstorm. Return home, and part ways for good. 

Get Back Together

And not the khaki-pants, pleasant sweater-wearing "settling" kind of getting back together. You're at a party with someone new. Weed walks in on the arm, and in the pipe of, another someone that wears a cool leather jacket, and rides a motorcycle, and has lived in Spain. You lock eyes, and only moments later you're half-naked and hot-boxing in the upstairs bathroom that nobody was supposed to go in. A few years down the line, you have some little dabs of your own, and nights like these are but a distant memory in shining eyes of a loving couple

We love you, weed! We always will. Don't ever change