Science Says Booze Makes You Mean; Weed Makes You Chill

Guess what else you were right about all along.

Any amateur humorist who has practiced the comedic craft in an unfamiliar bar setting and been rewarded with a punch to the teeth by a dozen drunken strangers and friends who cannot take a joke is aware that alcohol acts as instant-asshole juice upon a large swath of the population

Conversely—speaking in a general, anecdotal way—few groups of humans provide less physical threat than a gaggle of marijuana-activated persons, be they reclining on a sofa or hiking the trails of a magnificent federal wildlife preserve.

So, in summary, everyone knows that booze tends to make heavy drinkers mean and weed chills out consistent users.

A group of researchers in the Netherlands recently conducted an elaborate and fun-sounding study to prove what everybody already knows. The Dutch behavioral scientists assembled 20 boozehounds and 21 stoners—the type of partakers who down at least three drinks a day for men, two drinks for women, or who weed medicate at least three times per week. The researchers proceeded to sauce up the drunks to a 0.08 BAC and dose the weed heads at 300 micrograms of THC per kilogram of bodyweight. Then both groups were subjected to ordeals designed to cause frustration and provoke aggression.

Specifically, test subjects were pitted against a computer gaming device that promised cash prizes for pushing buttons and then cheated gamers out of those prizes. Guess who became super agro, probably thinking that this whole thing was designed to belittle them and make them look bad in front of the other juicers? And guess who laughed that shit off, in all likelihood concluding that the rigged game was just a little inside joke being played by the college creeps who had paid them to show up and indulge in some herb?

That really is a puzzler, but from the Washington Post:

They found, first of all, that "alcohol intoxication increased subjective aggression in the alcohol group." The alcohol users, in other words, acted more aggressive when they were drunk than they did when they were sober. By contrast, the smokers became less aggressive when they were high.

And from the study’s authors themselves:

It is concluded that alcohol facilitates feelings of aggression whereas cannabis diminishes aggressive feelings in heavy alcohol and regular cannabis users, respectively.

So, in summary, not only does dependence on alcohol increase chances of DUI arrests and a host of negative health and other life outcomes, it gives people the excuse to shun and talk bad about you behind your back because you are “mean.”

Stick with weed, and they may never find that out.