Science Says: Marijuana Can Make You Thin

And thin can make you hot and happy.

BMI, or body mass index, is a statistical evaluation watched closely by every image-conscious human with fatty issues. The lower a stranger’s BMI, the higher that stranger’s desirability as a partner in a random carnal adventure, or so the compulsion goes. Our tabloid obsession with BMI has driven weight-anxious people to the extremes of regulating their diet and exercising regularly in pursuit of a BMI that is deemed healthy and alluring to potential anonymous sexual conquests.

Now, new research out of the University of Miami indicates that forced sweat and denied appetite may be totally unnecessary in achieving an erotically charged BMI.

The study, “Got Munchies? Estimating the Relationship between Marijuana Use and Body Mass Index,” is an attempt to clarify mixed research findings that contradicted the common assumption that “marijuana use is associated with increased appetite and the likelihood of weight gain.”

The study’s authors, health sector sociologists I. C. Beulaygue and M. T. French, have found that the exact opposite may be true.

If the science is correct, maintaining a svelte body mass index may be as counterintuitive and simple as being sure to smoke marijuana every day. Furthermore, the effect of regular weed use on BMI is better (presuming thinner is better) for women than for men.

From the National Center for Biotechnology Information:

Results show that daily female marijuana users have a BMI that is approximately 3.1% (p<0.01) lower than that of non-users, whereas daily male users have a BMI that is approximately 2.7% (p<0.01) lower than that of non-users.

Science has served its purpose. It can go home now.