07.15.2016
wellness

We Try Out Sound Waves That Get You High Just Like Drugs

A way to save money on costly drug effects, or major waste of time?

One of my homies is super into these “Binaural Beats” that supposedly give you a digital, artificial high that she claims is just as good as the real thing. Real thing as defined as the feeling you get from taking actual drugs. I was pretty skeptical about getting high off a soundwave, but I thought, Fuck it. I'm at work. I might as well try. What have I got to lose?

Here are the results:

I tried the sound substitute for weed first. The beat is called “Purple Haze,” and it's supposed to simulate the feeling of that particular strain.

"That shit will never work," said a hater at a desk beside me. I popped in some earbuds, closed my eyes, and gave "Purple Haze' a listen. So, I wasn’t quite convinced by this sound. I definitely felt my mind getting a little wavy and mellowed out, a familiar feeling of the greens for sure, but not enough to convince me this noise is getting me stoned...or doing anything at all for that matter. 

Cocaine:

Okay I am not making this shit up. I tuned in to the cocaine waves. When I listened to this beat, a very wide smile inexplicably spread over my face, pretty instantaneously. As I kept listening to it, I started to feel kind of wired and anxious, almost like a coked-out kind of feeling, honestly.

Opium:

This beat was a super downer. I listened through the whole thing. By the end of it, I was feeling like I’d just gotten my wisdom teeth pulled and taken a handful of hydrocodone to achieve that numb, sedative vibe.

All right, so I’m not convinced these beats are giving me a high that’s the same as the drugs they're supposed to be mimicking, but I definitely felt something. Call it the placebo effect if you want. Or just try it out and see if you agree. I could get used to some regularly dosing binaurals in my life.   

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