05.27.2016
lifestyle

Wine Drinkers Are Just Snob Drunks Who Hate Beer

You're no better than us, wino!

Wine—the world’s grossest, deadliest drink—is portrayed as the rich, white man’s elixir of choice. It’s classy to order a bottle of wine. It’s socially acceptable to get wasted as fuck on wine. Well, it’s just grapes. And people have been drinking wine since time started. It’s even been called the drink of the gods. 

But all these winos roaming the free world, the ones who hate beer drinkers or tequila shooters, aren’t any different from a regular ol' asshole drunk. Winos are total alcoholics too, just as repulsive as you and me! They too, among their bottles of privilege, are just as sloppy, trashy, mouthy, droopy, slimy, and stupid as you!

Drunk is drunk. And unless you’re buying two-buck chuck, you’re probably spending too much getting wasted on your fake-ass fancy-ass wine.

Hey, drunk is drunk. And unless you’re buying two-buck chuck, you’re probably spending too much getting wasted on your fake-ass fancy-ass wine.

Winos of the world are just as terrible as any other drunk, except worse. They are dripping with asshole-ness and they’re living in self-denial.

Don’t believe it? Welp, here you go:


Winos claim that drinking a glass of wine after work will make you a better person:


Winos claim that all white people like to socially drink wine:


Winos agree that it’s fine to get wasted alone:


Winos love blonde hair, money, and chardonnay all day:


Winos claim that a shower beer is unacceptable:


Winos say drinking and driving is bad, unless it’s concealed wine:


Winos claim that a glass a day will save an old person’s life:


Winos always say they’ve had one glass—when it’s really three:


Winos say that mothers aren’t alcoholics if they drink only wine:


Winos claim that the dinner gave them food poisoning when they puke the next day:


Winos say sipping but they mean chugging:


Winos believe that if you drink it at home, it doesn’t count as drinking:


Winos claim that fancy goblets mean booze-free, calorie-free wine:


Winos say that drinking wine when you are sad is the ONLY cure:

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