Dear Amy Schumer: Stop Calling Yourself Fat

You're the one who swears you are the fattest.

Amy Schumer is pissed that she's been lumped into the plus-size category on the latest cover of Glamour.

I hate assigning these "Who Inspire Us" titles to anyone, even women; so I'm down to stop that now. Which is part of why I don't read such garbage as ladies' magazines

Schumer says she's a size 6/8. If I'm doing the math correctly, that's about half the size of plus-size model Ashley Graham, who says she's a size 16.

Schumer is on record as having no beef with hot, plus-size gals; still, she's making a big deal over something she has brought right upon herself. 

So, dear Amy Schumer, perhaps the reason people think you are fat is because you're the one who keeps calling yourself fat.

A distinct strain of your humor is centered around being bigger than most girls, and feeling and looking inadequate (whatever that means in your mind). Unless I've missed it, you've never really said your size; so it might have been fair for Glamour to assume you're larger than most "average" women because, well, you keep telling us you are!

I've stopped laughing long ago at this seemingly fake fat humor. 

Amy, you are the problem. You call yourself fat, and you do it constantly. Yesterday you Instagrammed about your double chin, saying you were pretty pissed you weren't mentioned in a roundup of fat chins. You're constantly telling us how big you are. Sure that's relatable because somehow we all hate our bodies, but when will you stop? Remember when you joked that you were runner up for a beauty pageant, wearing that scary orange beanie?

You even made that movie where you actually called yourself a trainwreck because why? What a terrible title to give yourself! After watching that movie, that one where you had a size 6 body, a full time job, and a seemingly nice life in NYC, you didn't seem like a trainwreck to me. 

I know it's fine to feel any way you want. I bet you have struggled (I guess), but why I do I hate when you call yourself fat? Because you are a fucking size 6. And you are not fat. 

Most American women would kill to be your size, and you just keep going on and on about how life is so bad for you because you're fat.

Are you really fat?


Do you tell everyone you're fat, including young ladies who look up to you, who might very well be between a size 6 and 8?


When you hate on your size 6-to-8 self, you are calling us fat, too. 

So please stop calling yourself fat and ugly. 

You're making us all feel fucking fat, and obviously you don't identify as fat, truly, or you wouldn't be so pissed for being lumped into a plus-size category. 

Humor is best served on a huge platter of honestly, not some boring fake-fat jokes that clearly you don't even think are real.

If you're so mad about labels, please stop assigning them to yourself, because a lot of us are following your lead.