08.24.2016
women

What Men Say About Women Who Smoke Weed

It's everything you'd expect and more.

Welcome to the modern day: A place where men, women, children, and dogs can use cannabis.

Women can even shove weed into their V for relief and pleasure. Many weed companies are run by women. And there’s more—a woman (love it or hate it) ran for president (and won the popular vote!). 

While we have made strides in the USA for this country to become a better place for women to dwell, there’s still a lot of terrible things happening—including good ol’ mansplaining.

man·splain -- manˈsplān/verb
1. (of a man) explain (something) to someone, typically a woman, in a manner regarded as condescending or patronizing.
"I'm listening to a guy mansplain economics to his wife"

I don’t associate with these mansplaining people! You probably don’t either! Still, the patriarchy's patronizing brushoff of all culture not male is happening all around us. A lot of these all-knowing dudes have thoughts they are not shy to share about women smoking the devil’s bush.

KINDLAND took a general survey of a few women, certainly not all women, who smoke cannabis, to determine the reactions of men to smoking women. We got some varied and funny responses. 

Some of these summations may generalize some men, to some degree, and this article isn’t the definitive version of what every man and woman thinks about women who smoke weed, but it’s certainly a place to start.

Have something to say? We’d love to hear your experience and interpretation. Email me, puhlease.

Has a man said something stereotypical, general, basic, and annoying about you smoking weed?

“I dated a guy who told me I was lazy because I smoked weed. He was literally the laziest person I've ever met. He bought a turtle and named it 'Bothered,' as in, I can’t be bothered to take care of it. It died two weeks later.” Carlie Mantilla, 31, Comedian

“I love when a man says to me 'Oh! You smoke weed?! For real?!!!' Like its some terrific taboo that as a woman, I smoke A LOT of weed. My favorite thing to do in such a situation is to educate that weed, or cannabis, is highly (pun intended) medicinal and women have been using it since the beginning of time to help their ailments. Queen Victoria is always one of the best examples since there is so much evidence about her use of cannabis.” –Roxanne Dennant, 29, Owner of Fruit Slabs

“I wouldn't say I’m completely confidential about my weed use to guys, but if I don’t already know the man I’m talking to, it is very rare that you will find me talking about weed at all. It’s not really something I bring up unless I know the other person uses it as much or more than myself." –Susanna, 21, Student

"The more machismo inclined ones are the worst. Weed is no different than sports in their mind; it’s a man’s game. Just like a girl will get grilled on batting stats the second she mentions she likes baseball, these guys will try to prove you a fraud, try to discount you by grilling you on ridiculous stoner minutia. 'Oh, well you said you like weed, sooo how much do you smoke a day? What strains are you favorite? How much THC is in those? Where is it grown? Who is the third cousin of the dispensary owner? See, I knew you didn’t really smoke that much.' ” –Whitney Bell, Owner of Kiddbell

Men have thought that I don't actually know what I'm doing when it comes to cannabis and how to get high.

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“Guys who smoke weed are generally pretty excited by my weed smoking. Guys who don't smoke weed don't love it because I do it a lot. As for stereotypical stuff, maybe just asking if I'm high when I do something dumb or am being weird at a party.” - Lindsay MaHarry, 27, Writer

"Yes, all too frequently." –Megan Crandell, Social Media Manager

“Not really. My boyfriend thinks it's sweet that I take tiny puffs—he knows I'm sensitive. But he's never patronizing about it.” –Dani, 30

“Many, many men have made comments about my weed smoking, and I find most of them are heavy alcohol drinkers who get 'anxiety' when they smoke weed and can’t function when under its influence. They’re maybe amazed, maybe in disbelief, about how much I get accomplished while high and yet I’ve been called 'lazy,' 'stoner,' 'pothead,' 'hippie,' and 'degenerate' by friends, lovers and family members alike. The more I smoke, and accomplish, the less I hear this, but it’s still prevalent. If I make a comment about how many drinks a friend has while we’re out (only worrying for their driving safety) I often get, 'Don’t you smoke weed like every day? How is this different?' And with a sigh, I must agree to disagree that cannabis is the lesser drug of the two. Everyone assumes I’m high every minute of every day. The fact that no one ever knows if I am or not is to the plant’s credit for its subtlety.” –Adrienne, 32, Comedian and Writer

“I've had a guy tell me before he doesn't like girls who smoke. I've also had another guy tell me he doesn't like girls who smoke, but he smoked...” –Calina, 22, College Grad

What are some misconceptions men have about women smoking weed?

“My ex-husband didn’t like how I behaved while high. I think it’s mostly because I paid him less attention and was actually happier and more confident. Any laziness I ever displayed was due to spoiled, millennial depression (mostly about my relationship with him) and not to cannabis. Now? I dab, go to the gym, clean my house, and write 20 jokes. Tell me you can do that drunk or on Xanax. I get shit done. The fact that I smoke heavy indicas at night was confounding to my ex. 'Why can’t you just like, get sunlight, maybe workout, go to sleep naturally?' He’d demand sleepily as I toked before bed. I did all of those things; they don’t stop the noise. Only mother nature’s caressing touch of cannabis can do that for me.” –Adrienne, 32, Comedian and Writer

“That I don't know how to roll a joint and need the concept of consuming marijuana mansplained.” –Lindsay MaHarry, 27, Writer

“I have not gotten any negative comments as I mostly vape in private. That said, what I consistently get, which has become so cliché, is 'Oh, you are like that chick from Weeds. You are just like her!' Hm, ya,… well not really.” –Pamela Hadfield, Co Founder of HelloMD

“I'm 30 and live in L.A.; so it's a pretty well-accepted thing to do. If anything, people assume that because I like weed, I like weed all the time, and a lot of it, at that. I'll smoke A LITTLE, now and then when I'm out. Then it can be awkward because I leave my date or whoever standing there holding a joint like, 'Oh, we're not finishing this thing?' –Dani, 30

“I don't know if this is men as much as it is just people (who don't smoke weed), but the idea that you aren't aware of what's happening because you're high. Basically, being treated as if you were blackout drunk because they know you're high.” –Carlie Mantilla, 31, Comedian

“I had a big group of guy friends freshmen year of college. We all used to hang out and smoke together. One of my friends was complaining how he needs to take a tolerance break because he smoked so much he was barely even getting high anymore. My other guy friend said, 'Yea, we've all been there. I mean, except for Courtney.' I’d only known these guys for a few months, and we all smoked together regularly. He knew nothing about my life or history before then and not too much about the other guys’ lives either. I guess because I’m a girl and not some typical burn-out personality, he assumed I couldn't be a true stoner.” –Courtney, KIND Intern

I've also had another guy tell me he doesn't like girls who smoke, but he smoked...

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“Men have thought that I don't actually know what I'm doing when it comes to cannabis and how to get high. Yes, I can pull a bong better than most of your boys. Yes, I can roll a blunt. Yes, I can roll a joint. Yes, I know my strains, and yes I know which ones I love and at what time of the day I love them for. Yes, I can school you on the history of cannabis and its criminalization in the United States. I am not just a woman who smokes weed when the boys want to. I am a woman who has a personal, passionate relationship with this beautiful female plant. I am a female cannabis activist. I understand it, I know it, I love it, and I don't need the boys to smoke it!” –Roxanne Dennant, 29, Owner of Fruit Slabs

"My favorite is when men make the assumption that because I'm small and a woman that I must smoke 'weak' weed. I actually have a really high tolerance and prefer to smoke heavy indicas. The other thing I get a lot is that I 'don't actually know anything about weed' because I'm a woman. (Surprise, I probably know more than you, dude!) I think the misconception that women who work in the cannabis industry are only there to be eye candy is the most offensive thing I've been told about my involvement with cannabis. There's been a pattern of sexism in the cannabis industry for a long time; so I consider myself lucky to work somewhere that actually empowers women to be leaders in this industry. Obviously there's still a few men who come in and say that they'd prefer for a guy to help them, because for whatever reason they perceive men as knowing more about cannabis. But it's those men who are missing out on my knowledge; I'm not missing out on anything by not interacting with someone who doesn't value my input and intelligence to begin with." –Megan Crandell, Social Media Manager

“In my first year of college, I started dating this guy a year above me that happened to be an extremely emotional frat guy that had probably only smoked weed twice in his life. He thought weed and all other drugs were horrible yet he had an insane binge-drinking problem. I hid my weed use from him for the most part somehow. We were together all the time, but I still managed to sneak around before bed to smoke weed and calm down. When I was open about smoking weed, he would harass me and tell me it was dirty. But drinking 10 beers or large quantities of vodka with his roommate on any given school night in their dorm room was okay. He is now depressed and an even bigger stoner than I ever was with a new psychotic girlfriend. It’s funny how people change." –Susanna, 21, Student

“Men have said that I'm lazy and I'm slow and my memory is fucked. But I'm pretty active regardless of my smoking. Also, many still have the misconception that it's a narcotic so therefore you're a delinquent when many, me included, use it for its medicinal purposes.” –Calina, 22, College Grad

Has a man ever brought up your weed use on a date? 

“Usually guys who bring up weed to me on a date want to test the waters and see if I'm down to smoke with them. That's always chill on both parts. Once, I went out with this presumptuous vegan guy. He was saying how he didn't drink or smoke and how as vegans we were just both on a different wavelength from people who needed to engage in that and alter their natural selves. I found that pretty amusing. I didn't even bother to tell him that I definitely engage in some recreational 'altering,' but I left it at the first date.” –Courtney, KIND Intern

“I dated the President of a fraternity at UVA my freshman year of college. And I didn't go to UVA so whenever I went to visit, I always went with my stash. This fraternity happened to be the number one ranked fraternity for academic scores. The majority of them did NOT get down. And his roommates especially did not love the loud smell of my weed every weekend I came in. A few weeks into our 'relationship,' he asked me if I would ever stop smoking weed.... I remember looking at him, pausing, and busting out with laughter with a very convicted, 'NO! Dude, this is my medicine. This is what helps me get through day to day.' I tried to explain it helped with anxiety, the pain from a recent knee surgery, and my menstrual cycle. He just couldn't get past its status as a Schedule I drug. Sorry you can't understand all of its benefits because you're blinded by the government saying it's illegal and thus bad for you. Sorry, bud, this relationship isn't going to work.” –Roxanne Dennant, 29, Owner of Fruit Slabs

“Since I don’t bring up my weed use, and I don’t immediately come off as a stoner, I haven’t really had a guy comment on my weed use directly. I’m not usually attracted to people that smoke weed anymore.” –Susanna, 21, Student

The ones that have a problem with it, think I’m a loser for doing it, or call me lazy, get the boot. I don’t have time for those false, negative stigmas.

“I briefly dated a guy in college who when I got sick and lost my voice over Christmas break told me that I should 'probably stop smoking so much weed.' I told him he should probably stop texting me." –Megan Crandell, Social Media Manager

“No, never brought up on a date. I try not to really talk about it, and in general, I've dated people who smoked." –Calina, 22, College Graduate

“I'm not a big pothead; so I don't think they'd even know to bring it up. When it has come up and they don't smoke, it's usually a non-issue. I don't think I could realistically be with someone who had a thing AGAINST weed. Now that I think about it, I usually date pretty serious potheads. Hmm.” –Dani, 30

“Most men are cool with my cannabis use, especially since it makes me a cheap date with regard to cocktails, and I’m always, always a designated driver. (I wait a while after consuming cannabis and don’t eat edibles if I need to drive.) The ones that have a problem with it, think I’m a loser for doing it, or call me lazy, get the boot. I don’t have time for those false, negative stigmas. My fiancé and I consume cannabis together, which bonds us closer and keeps us thinking, talking, touching, and experiencing new things due to our inherent curiosity, accentuated by the consumption of cannabis. Weed is love, and we love it together.”  –Adrienne, 32, Comedian and Writer

“I don't date strangers or guys who don't smoke weed. Most people seem to assume I smoke based on appearance; so it's never really come up.” –Lindsay MaHarry, 27, Writer

What is the worst thing a man has said to you about smoking weed? 

“It's always really frustrating when a man judges me for choosing to smoke weed over drinking alcohol. There's usually this moment where they imply that women who smoke weed are 'trashy' or 'unmotivated.' I am neither of those things. I think that certain men are intimidated by women who smoke weed—they can't stand the idea of us being enlightened or empowered, of us having the clarity of mind to question those who try to marginalize us. In my experience, women who smoke weed get shit done. I'm sure a lot of men out there would prefer if we stayed drunk or high on prescription pills, because then we aren't a threat. –Megan Crandall, Social Media Manager

“A tech guy I used to date picked me up from my house, and I was noticeably high. He commented, 'You didn’t smoke by yourself did you? That would be so sad. That’s what crack addicts do.' He proceeded to make fun of how weird I was when high. I had smoked by myself. That's how I used to wind down after school. Fear of people judging me like this has definitely impacted my desire to smoke weed. But to be honest, I have basically stopped smoking weed because it really impacted the severity of my depression, and I see the possible negative impacts marijuana can have on your life if you are not fully mentally stable." –Susanna, 21, Student

"I've heard: 'You're ruining your future every time you smoke weed.' PSHHAHAHAHA. Cannabis is my future, and THE future of holistic healing –Roxanne Dennant, 29, Owner of Fruit Slabs

One time a guy I was fucking was pretty shocked I rolled a blunt in the morning. 

“Worst is probably when the guy said he doesn't go for girls who smoke. Smoking doesn't define someone. Just like I don't define someone who has asthma and uses an inhaler every day or someone who had depression and is on antidepressants. But overall I haven't had really any issues. The issues are more with adults and their closeminded misconceptions.” –Calina, 22, College Graduate

“One time a guy I was fucking was pretty shocked I rolled a blunt in the morning. Other than that, either no one can tell, everyone loves it, or they're all just keeping their mouths shut. I don't get a lot of feedback regarding how stoned I am all the time.” –Lindsay MaHarry, 27, Writer

“It hasn't happened! When I first got into weed pens (and was smoking a lot more casually), a guy I was seeing said, 'OH NO! DON'T BECOME A POTHEAD LIKE ME! YOU'RE TOO PRECIOUS!' I just gave him a -_- face.” –Dani, 30

“The worst thing pretty much anyone has said to me was by my ex-husband as we strolled through the streets of Amsterdam in the early 2000s. I walked by a cafe and slowed my pace a bit to inhale the sweet smell of pastries and cannabis, only to have him stop, turn to me and say, 'Jesus Christ, you’re a fucking addict. This is going to ruin your life—our life—forever!' I should’ve known then he wasn’t the one for me. Said by a man who would become a different person when drinking four or more beers. I had choked back tears, believing that I was an addict, and stayed sober for the five years of our relationship. They were some of the most miserable years of my life.” –Adrienne, 32, Comedian and Writer

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