03.02.2017
culture

Actor Patrick Stewart Admits Cannabis Use; Is Not Circumcised

The urbane movie star is also a man with shaky hands.

British thespian Patrick Stewart, best known for his historically accurate portrayals of Captain Jean Luc Picard in about 1,000 Star Trek movies and as Professor Charles Xavier in the X-Men film franchise, has been awarded an OBE to honor his achievements on stage and screen.

In real life, Sir Patrick is a cannabis user.

The 76-year-old veteran of the Royal Shakespeare Company revealed to British Esquire that getting old is no fun, but is less burdensome with a touch of topical marijuana.

From Esquire:

“I mean, my main problem is my hands don’t work very well. But thanks to cannabis they work much better than they used to. Thanks to the law in California now, it’s just a spray that I put on.”

One benefit of Captain Picard's advanced age, and also perhaps a bonus of less shakiness in his hands, is that Stewart has become better acquainted with his penis. Deep into his eighth decade of partnership with that organ, Stewart has just recently made a very rudimentary discovery about the thing.

One night in the near past, Stewart says he was regaling his wife with the story of his circumcision. His wife reported that, contrary to Stewart’s long-held belief, the old ham was in fact foreskin intact.

Stewart consulted a doctor for a second opinion. Upon close inspection, the medic confirmed Mrs. Stewart’s diagnosis.

And then, presumably, Professor X went home, sprayed some weed onto his hands, and demanded of his wife how she had come to be so expert about such a thing.

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