Fast Breaking News: The Slowest Animals Are Really Slow

A quick read on how beasts be slow.

The slowest animals are super slow. According to National Geographic, which has set out to answer bonehead questions from Facebook, sloths are not the only slow animal. 

However, sloths are way cute and cool, and truly fucking slow, so they are worth talking about now. Remind yourself whenever possible that our friend the sloth is so slow that algae grows on his fur. And, the poor sloth takes 16 days just to digest food. Nat Geo claims these guys are so slow so they can blend in with trees and avoid predators. Or this is a big genetic debacle that has never been corrected over the course of evolution. Whatever, they cute.

And, in case you didn’t know, there are other slow animals. Like, manatees, snails, slugs, turtles, and any other slow-moving, breathing thing you can think of.

The real takeaway here isn’t that the Rosy Wolf snail hits her stride at a whopping 0.001 mile per hour. It’s that each week, you can ask a super dumb question for scientists at National Geographic, and they seem nice enough to answer even the stupidest queries.

In case you need to talk about slow-moving animals, or you want to challenge a few to race each other, here you go:

Greenland Shark: 0.76 mph

Rosy Wolf Snail: .001 mph

Desert Tortoise: 0.2 mph

Nudibranch: 30 ft/day

Manatee: 5 mph

Sloth: 1 mph